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Cruel Optimism

by Drum Kit Love Song

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1.
I’m So Happy Now I’m exhausted, scaly and caustic Some, say I’m blessed I live in a caboose now Boxcar hoosegow I think of you and I’m dispossessed All my pleasures, burning up my ledgers God, this appetite You fill a space, you satiate, Hey babe, stay in tonight Where everything's fine We don’t have talk, we can watch some Brits bake cakes And everything's good What a lovely time, who could ever dream of more From this life I’m so happy now, I’ve got you The breaks and repairs, the state of affairs You could say we’re close After four years and a Great Lakes of tears We’re in agreement, we both seen it, we got hope Our love was like an Esher, Ikea grade dresser Limited rebuilds I’m exhausted, your exhausted Hey babe, if you will I will And everything's fine We don’t have to talk, you got your plans, I’ve got mine And everything's good The other night was, just a friendly kiss A little backslide, I’m so happy now, You met someone new…
2.
You’re All In (Ctrl) Girl your ghost is just my grief All my sad thoughts Lurking under a sheet Reigns of terror Floods of joy Despite your absence You are in control Are we good now? Is this humane? Does every lover Drive the other insane? And who sticks it out Everafter anymore? Your love is a trapdoor It’s you and me It’s us V them Some days you’re out some your all in Maybe I broke us Sure does seem Falling apart Had something to do with me Is that the point? Was I the bull or Matador? Despite your absence You are in control
3.
Backslide 03:29
Backslide Hey, we can make it, this third time is the charm They placed bets at work, odds are 10-1. But I feel like I am losing you again I can’t hold you when you cry No more But if you stay, I won’t walk away So Stay Call me with your silent song And I’ll be there Until you can talk My love is post hoc If you’ll walk away I’ll do the same If you will you stay, I won’t walk away Stay I can’t do it I can’t make it on my own I need you now I’m lost when I’m alone And I feel like I am losing you again. I can’t hold you when you cry No more Will you be the one to marry me I’ve got the ring Stop recoiling I’ll be your lifeguard If you’ll, teach me how to swim Do you care, if I live through this? Do you care, If I live another day? Wait when we met I said I can’t be just your friend And we’ve proven that time and time again So if this really is the end I can’t hold you when you cry No more Unless your all in Let’s start again I’ll be your lifeguard If you’ll, teach me how to swim Do you care, if I live through this Do you dare to trust to vow to Stay with me With me.
4.
Full Disclosure My world is such a cluster Of promises and desires Of deals and legal contracts Of heroic liars The ones who use subterfuge To keep you on your feet A bureaucratic kindness An overlooked missing receipt We are so above it Looks at us uncuffed Wandering through other’s lives, and we Collect their abandoned stuff I will always love you You know I’ve got your back Someone else is out there Wondering, where you’re at Are these feelings Just my choices? Are these feelings All my choices? Try to find my ego Put it to good use All my dreams are changing All my knots have been pulled lose (I want to) Hold you till your perfect Like a diamond being born You’re edge is cold and man it’s sharp It cuts me till, till I learn. Are these feelings Just my choices? Are these feelings All my choices? Are these feelings All my choices Are these feelings All my choices
5.
Heartbreak is The Shape When your fears come true It throws a real scare in you The encroaching oblivion The mind run amok I can hear the footsteps Walk across the ceiling Maybe it’s not human What if it’s a man? He comes through the window while I’m asleep He got a bad dream he wants to share with me And so I survive. A hanger in the killer’s eye But his body ain’t where he died And the knife is gone. (Quite) Is my mind defective Am I living in a hall of mirrors Have I been the unseen hand What if it was me? He come through the window while I’m asleep He’s got a bad dream, he wants to share w/ me. Will it ever come back Every night a death trap Every shadow a mask What if it was me? I can hear the footsteps Walk across the ceiling Maybe it’s not human What if it’s a man? Is my mind defective Am I living in a hall of mirrors Have I been the unseen hand What if it were me? What if it were me? What if it were me?
6.
Object of Comfort She didn’t like that comment About our unborn kids Cause now I’m just a lover And that’s where her plan ends Ohhhhhhhhh Oh Ahhhhhh She’s living in the moment She wants the sun and moon She leaves out certain details In our weekly reviews Cause now I’m just an object Of comfort for her use Ohhhhhh Oh Ahhhhh Ohhhhhhhh Oh Ahhhhhh
7.
Living is the Salve Age is coming but it don’t feel right Got enough stashed to maintain this fiction Things they will improve Just not tomorrow Age is coming but it don’t feel right I am in no rush I am in this rut I carved myself Age is coming but it don’t feel right Where’s my family and our weekly hijinks All my vacations are just one rushed weekend? Age is coming but it don’t feel right I am in no rush Things they will improve Just not today Age is coming but it don’t feel right Got enough stashed to maintain this fiction Things they will improve Just not today Age is coming but it don’t feel right When will I exhales Things they will improve Just not today
8.
Dummy 04:32
“Dummy” Go ahead and break the glass The fires small but growing fast The smoke gathers over our head You can leave me here for dead I just cannot get back up Spun out in my living room Found facedown, Trampled by the gloom Sometime your love will send me crawling up the wall And then I forget how to be, up right at all Your a wire, exposed and live Daily shock, ritual applied We share a bed, each on their own side. Conditions are decline fast Whose gonna bail Too afraid to ask [Musical break] I miss you Even when you’re around And I try to ignore how We were bringing the other down That’s not devotion So why pretend You called me dummy more than once, maybe I was just being dumb again Please don’t say this is all on me Oh what’s the point if you’re not coming home? Transmissions get no reply Signal lost, that’s no way to say goodbye. On this gamble, I’m full tilt Got the whole god damn world is looking at me like, “what the fuck?” Why can’t You walk away if She won’t walk away It’s not a stabbing if You run, into her knife, But All my wounds will heal if she’ll be my wife I think we’re close But then we’re not We’re 1000 miles off And all I seem to think about these days These days Is how I miss you I miss you now And I try to recall How we were bringing the other down.
9.
No More Love Songs Raise, the question again The Rhythm begins We start the chase Caught Chase Caught Stay, what else can I say Repeating mistakes What could I bring Back Could I bring Back Ever Bring back (E) There is nothing I have left, to give Time, time to move on Time to get lost Time to find out who I am w/o your help Go, I’ll do the same This is so lame The way we go back and forth still Like a whirlpool of parasocial rot (sludge/ooze) Swim out of this vortex before we’re caught Don’t, put it on me I can’t concede I need ya to end this please Your Stronger than me I, need a new road Before I get old Thank you for five of your best years All joy All tears I’m done with these love songs It’s time I’m ready to move on

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released March 12, 2023

All songs written and recorded by Drum Kit Love Song

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Drum Kit Love Song Portland, Oregon

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